Here’s the thing – if I ever expect to be happy with my life and more importantly, satisfied with my life, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s one and only one thing I can do now – get a job. I need to get this job for many, many reasons.
1. I’ve always said I’m destined for greatness and a genius to boot, but I’ve never done anything to prove it. I’ve paid my way through a masters degree and excelled at a working class job in Target but I’ve never reached for the moon and gotten the stars (or vice versa for that matter). I did manage to get an internship at Unilever and I did manage to get into a great uni but what is the point of an internship and a degree if I have nothing to show for it?! It’s a classic case of always the bridesmaid never the bride, penny-wise pound-foolish, etc etc. I need this job to prove to myself I’m more than a degree or an exam.
2. If I have nothing to look forward to, I will always look at the past. And no matter how great or how terrible the past has been it somehow always seems better than the future when you look back. I’m looking back at EME and missing it – that can NOT be good. Nothing about that place was good for me, nothing at all. And the only reason I’m missing it is because I feel trapped when I look towards the future and I don’t like that.
3. No matter how many times I ‘retire’ thinking I’ve earned it, I can’t help but feel like a failure.
One job. One great big job and that’s it. Let’s take one last one for the team, just to say we tried. Sigh..
Also I really wouldn’t hate it if you gave me your views on this post. That could be a pun, but I mean it isn’t. I always get dozens of ‘views’ in one sense but never any opinions on my thoughts. I’d like to know how I’m doing if you wouldn’t so terribly hate to tell me!